change

I need change.

I am such a creature of habit and I hate change. I get all weird and uncomfortable with change. Change makes my world turn upside down.

Change is good though. It's good because great things can happen with change. Right?

I am craving change lately. I don't know why. I think, maybe, turning the big 3-0 is not helping. I know, I am not 30. yet. but it's coming and it freaks me out. Thirty is good, right? People love their 30's. They're dirty and fun.

And 30 also means you are old. You cannot blame things on your 20's anymore. You have to be an adult and take responsibility for your own life. I mean, I guess I was/am doing that right now, but somehow it seems so much scarier when you are 30.

Or, maybe I want change because there are so many things in my life I want to change, but can't. If I change the things I am able to, I have control. It's my coping-mechanism.

Or maybe I'm attracted to change because I am just plain old sick of not changing, in an ever-changing world. I want to move around furniture. clean out closets and cupboards and drawers. buy new pictures for my walls. get a new wardrobe (and one that includes mismatched clothes). change my hair. find new friends and move on from old ones. eat new foods. and the list goes on...

So, today I opted to go the hair route. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with a style yet, so I dyed it. Lucy came over and she did it for me. I picked a chestnut color and away we went. I wasn't even nervous, which is so unlike me. Lucy and I chatted while she worked and then I went to wash it all out. I dried it. and straightened it. and VOILA...



it looks the same. I mean, in the sun it looks a tiny bit different, but it's still the same color. Not the change I was looking for. Jon didn't even notice (it could have been blonde and I don't think he would have noticed though). I saw Nicole tonight and she didn't notice. I'm so disappointed. I want to do it again. Lighter this time. But, I will wait. Maybe it will get lighter on its own. Or maybe I will get highlights. Some kind of change is in order. And I want it soon. For this phase (maybe?) may pass and I will go back to my boring ways. I hope not though. Because I kind of like Please-Change-Andrea. She's way cooler than Boring-Andrea. She's got balls and is a little more kick-ass. She's the kind of girl I want as a friend.

Change can be good. Maybe new andrea is the upgraded version. We still have to work out some kinks, but it'll be good. I promise.