why does it have to be so hard?

Today was a rough day. I haven't had one of these in awhile. And let me tell you, it's not fun. I hate it and can't wait until those days are over.


I try not to talk about it- for multiple reasons- but I had to go back to work today. It was a day I've been dreading since summer began. I pretended it wasn't coming up, that somehow if I ignored it, it wouldn't come (yeah, that didn't work). I'm completely in denial. Yeah, not sure how to get to the next step of grief. What is it anyways? Get mad? And, besides being in denial, I also am aware enough to realize how blessed I really am, which makes me feel like crap for feeling what I do.

I hate leaving my kids with someone else while I go to work and deal with someone elses kids. The logic doesn't make sense. All I want in life is to be at home with them. My time is dwindling. After this year, I have one year home with nicolette and a few more than that with cole. I would kick butt if I was at home.   I just know I would.

Okay, no more details.  I don't even want to think about it anymore.  Coping mechanisms.





andrea